GOODBYE!

It hurts that this BLOG HAS TO STOP!!!!!

Thanks to a person...who used the information inside this blog to "tsismis" me and judge me through this without STRAIGHTENING OUT it first to me... for ruining me..I trusted you... and thought you could keep it especially if you know who the people are involved in my stories...all the more I would have trusted you and trusted you to keep it... well then! If you're sooooo interested in finding out what happens to me -- YOU WON'T FIND IT HERE!!!!! go fish(and look for my blog elsewhere)...and hope you find the right BAIT FOR YOU!!!!!!!

TO JELLO this one is for you!!!!!!!: (don't imagine me singing it... imagine NINA!!!!!)
Someday you'll gonna realize
One day you'll see it through my eyes
But then i won't even be there
I'll be happy somewhere
Even if i can't
I know
You don't really see my worth
You think you're the last guy on earth
Well i've got news for you
I know i'm not that strong
But it won't take long
Won't take long
Chorus
Coz someday, someone's gonna love me
The way, i want you to need me
Someday, someone's gonna take your place
One day i'll forget about you
You'll see, i won't even miss you
Someday, someday
Right now
I know you can tell
I'm down,and i'm not doin' well
But one day these tears
They will all run dry
I won't have to cry
Sweet goodbye
Chorus
Coz someday, someone's gonna love me
The way, i want you to need me
Someday, someone's gonna take your place
One day i'll forget about you
You'll see, i won't even miss you
Someday,
I know someone's gonne be there
Someday, someone's gonna love me
The way, i want you to need me
Someday, someone's gonna take your place
One day i'll forget about you
You'll see, i won't even miss you
Someday, someday

Tortured and Torn

What is the matter?
Why aren’t you talking or texting me like before?
Who influenced you to do this?
What is my fault?

So many questions linger in my mind.
Do I have the right to suffer this way?
Is it my fault that you’re not talking to me the way you talked to me before?
Is it my fault that you’ve stopped texting me your good morning and good nights?
So what are we holding on in this friendship of ours?
Why is our friendship getting ruined?
Who ruined this for us?
My heart is torn.
And my mind’s unclear.

I’ve got speculations…I’ve got assumptions
I am thinking of thoughts that shouldn’t be.
Did someone ruin me to you?
Did someone just do that?
Did that someone tell you how bad I am…that you ran away…
From me?
How bad am I to you? How hurt did you feel?
Why are you torturing me this way?
Why?

You know I love you. And I told you I didn’t expect you to love me back.
I just want our friendship like before.
Now, why are you aloof?
Why are you that way?


Why is it that I am the one who’s tortured? Why me?
And not you?

Posted Feb 26 3AM...Erased march 2006...Re-Posted Again

It's 3AM...and I'm still thinking of the man who kissed me good night last night... Thoughts replayed over and over again - as I layed on the bed feeling cold but happy. He was whom I adored for three years... We met in this corny village play, where I had to play the lead actress and him the lead actor. He was funny, kind and quite curiously mysterious infact. A few years after, we had some projects together. There were favors of his which I could not say no to...like can I please become emcee of this occasion as he takes oath as a treasurer in the association. I secretly was infatuated with him... until I told most of my friends, choirmates, my mom.. of my crush with him... even played badminton with the group just to try to see him. Uh no - am not so obssessed! The people who knew tried their part to make him realize "I'm around". Months, years passed by -- to no avail. I was slowly trying to give up..this petty affection of mine -- this petty hope that somehow he'd realize me and my "love" for him. He had no idea. Until last night.

It's 3:20AM...and I'm still thinking of the man who kissed me good night last night. it's a tiring but blissful feeling...trying to think about it...over and over again...I can't believe that happened last night. "For three years, I had this passion burning inside of me. For three years, I've been wanting you to kiss me like that." So, it happened.. I'm having butterflies in my stomach...thinking about it. In contrary, it's a wonderful feeling! The whole day today -- I kept thinking about him, and there's this utterly breathtaking feeling of joy in my entire system... It's as if the whole world is at peace! It's as if the whole world is happy!.

It's 3:23AM...I'm happy... confused... scared...but am filled with wonder. SOmethings happening...and with God I pray -- something good happens to it. Is this the feeling of being inlove? Still confused...but happy!!!

There's a man I love very much...

There's a man I love very much...
He makes me smile every time I'm with him
He thought me how to be patient
Whenever he touches me, he makes me melt like ice in scorching heat
Whenever he finds out that I'm sad or feel bad, he'll come running to me making me feel good.
I see him as my Kuya, as he tells me what to do whenever He sees me a bit in trouble or carrying a lot of load.
He makes sense
He gives good advise...
He drives carefully...and drives me crazy too.
We talk a lot and those talks make me feel good
Some people called "friends" whom I thought they were... pull me back to stop loving him.
I fall astray...and most of the time turn my back against him
And last night... I was with him...
I sat down beside him
He was in another meeting with another person before then...
But I waited patiently.
His eyes were so concerned because I told him I wanted to speak to him.
It felt good sitting there...holding his hand.
And in my heart He whispered...
"Love is Patient, Love is Kind, Love is Gentle, Love is Slow to Anger..."
For five minutes he made me feel happy again...
As He embraced me... He said it's between us to patch up. I told him it's my fault. He told me to apologize...He told me I did my part already so there's nothing to feel bad anymore...
And all I could tell him was "I love you kasi eh..."

To Jesus whose heart is the one burning for me. I love you. You know this very much. I'm sorry to disturb you last night... But it felt good to be with you even for just a while. I know you're going to bring me out of this. Yes, I did my part already. It's yours for the taking!

Sweet things...sometimes go unnoticed (I guess not for me)

He picks me up from a night out with my girl best friends...Stayed a little while to hang out with us. He was game. Accepted the bottle of beer I ordered from him. As me and my best friends danced to the band's song...he was there dancing with us too. I was touched because I never did expect him to be so game with my friends...I never expected that he can be so fun to be with even if he was the only man in the group. When we said our goodbyes - my best friends even made him beso on the cheek as if to say that he's also a friend. It was sweet of my friends to do that.

When I got to his car... I offered to pay for his parking ticket so I handed him a P20 bill. He declined. I insisted. He declined again. I slipped it in his right pocket... and he goes "Tsk. You ha. Kapag ako nainis (If I get irritated)..." and then he paused... "Hahalikan kita! (I will kiss you!)" All the more i shoved the bill to his hand.

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It was a nice feeling too... when two weeks ago I helped him with his computer. He was seated beside me while I was fixing it. He looked tired. I stood up and massaged his back... He was dozing off... I hugged him (while I was standing behind him)...he held my arms and pressed it nearer his chest while his eyes were still closed. We stayed that way for about 3 minutes.

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These sweet things should sometimes go unnoticed...But I guess -- I notice it too much? I would like to think he's the type of guy who doesn't say much or admit what he really feels - especially when it comes to love. I would like to think that he cares for me the same way I care for him...but still am wondering how much he loves me or if he really does... Sigh... When will the time come when I meet this person who I am destined with? or have I met him already?

I feel so BAD!

Yo that boy is a trick don't fall for him
by Alainea

Yo may seem like is a nice guy
turtly dunno how he is like
first is all down and cool
turns how to trick
dunno what people are till see real them
tell him don't got time for him
no point talking to him
stop wasting time find some worth it
that will talk to ya

HOW DARE YOU

How dare you!!!!?????
It was HER!!! all along??!!!!
You were so secretive of her....yun pala kakilala ko pala...
Sabi mo she doesn't know about me... eh --- she knew all along naman pala eh...
Sabi mo she told you she loved you the same time i told you i love you and that you're confused.
Eh sana sinabi mo na kung sino yun... para back out na ako!!!
YOU made it so COMPLICATED pa.
Sabi ko "I'll let go nalang of you cuz it's unfair for the other girl"
Sabi mo "Why do I wanna do that??"
Why do you wanna do that???!!! WALANG HIYA KA!!
Tapos...You're torturing me like this...'di mo ako kakausapin, stop ka nalang bigla sa text mO!!????
Sinabihan ka kasi niya kung anong pinaggagagawa ko and kung gaano ako ka-tanga!
IS THIS YOUR WAY OUT???
TALK TO ME!!!!!!!!!!!! TELL ME STRAIGHT. SABIHIN MO SA AKIN KUNG SINO SIYA!!!!!!

How can I strangle your neck??!!!
How can I give you a punch in the stomach.
HOW CAN I?????